The Final Countdown

Well, it's here. The end of the year 2009. Well, all I have to say is Adios!! Today, in preparations for our new journey, my husband and I went and bought ourselves new kicks/sneaks/shoes. I also got something my lard ass has never had before: a gym bag!

So, tomorrow at the gym I'll be styling in some gray/white/pink New Balance sneaks and a shiny teal Adidas gym bag! I even got myself a nice and plain 4XL t shirt from the men's department at Wal-Mart and a new MP3 player. I want an Ipod Nano (in the green, please) but perhaps I shall make that a weight loss goal gift to myself.

So, I got new shoes, new gym bag, a shirt that *may* fit, some tunes, had dinner at Roadhouse (oh how I love you, Mr. Roadhouse Ranch Dressing and sweet, sweet rolls), and sat through a movie eating the last of the movie theater buttered popcorn. Even though I ate it, I felt so stinking guilty. I couldn't see why I was eating it. I mean the butter is almost impossible to wipe off your fingers, so I can't imagine what it does to your insides. YUCK!

Then, sitting in a packed theater about to watch The Blind Side again, I looked at my husband who has loved me through thick, thicker, and thickest, and I told him, "I'm ready."

But most importantly, I mean it. I am ready. I'm tired of this way of life and all that it brings. So, as we snuggle into bed to usher out 2009 and celebrate the new decade, I've already decided something: when that ball drops in Times Square, so does all the hurt, anger, resentment, failures, infertility, loss, self hatred, and depression. I will count it all down and away. I am too pretty, too smart, too compassionate, too loving, caring, and full of life to short change myself any longer.

Yes, sir, 2010 is MY year. And here is what I have to say to everyone who reads here:

I don't care what you think of me, what I look like, what I sound like, what I know or do not know. I don't care about the petty things that have kept me from seeing my dreams come true. I have accepted failure as the status quo for the last year. I am not a failure. I am not going to die before I see 40. I am not going to be childless forever. I am not going to walk in pain, shame, and breathless any longer.

I am so beyond my circumstances. I'm so beyond my past. I'm so beyond myself. I have been my own worst enemy and you know what they say: keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well, I'm going to be on my own back, kicking my own ass, pushing myself to be a better, healthier version of me.

Look out 2010 because I'm ready for a change. And I'm starting with the woman in the mirror. And those of you who aren't supportive, aren't accepting, and don't care about me and where I'm going? Well, then, you can kiss my soon to be shrinking ass!

Adios, 2009. Adios to the old Allison. 2010 sees a new and improved Allison. One who is a fighter. I'm taking back my power today. And this time...I'm keeping it.