Update

The past few weeks have been stressful in my little world.  I've lost 10 pounds since I last weighed myself and updated my ticker.  I'm down over 16 pounds since Jan 1st.  Should be a lot more but then again I've been rather complacent with my weight loss/exercise/life.

I've had some medical tests run.  My gallbladder does not need to come out and I don't have any gallstones.  I do; however, have a fatty liver.  My response, "well, my ass is fat why shouldn't my liver be?"  Which was to hide my humiliation and fear.

After the ultrasound my liver was inflamed and hurt so badly that I couldn't sleep for days.  It felt like someone was sticking a knife in my my stomach, right under my right boob, and it would hurt clear around the right side and clear through to my back making any sleeping position highly uncomfortable.

I haven't had any appetite at all lately.  I maybe eat once a day and very little, hence the weight loss, I'm sure.  I'm not trying to starve myself, just don't feel like eating and don't want to eat.

Last Saturday, Noodle was looking overly skinny and when he was weighed he's lost about 2 pounds since getting sick and he wasn't really eating or drinking.  I made an appointment on Saturday to take him to the vet tomorrow.  Last week I was sure it was time for him to be put down.  I've agonized all week.  But Sunday he's been eating and drinking more. He's interested in eating and drinking but I think he's teeth hurt.  He's following me around, to the bathroom to get a drink from the faucet while I potty (his favorite thing to do) and he still meets me by the front door when I come in so behavior-wise he's doing no worse for the wear.  In fact, today he practically bossed me into the kitchen to get him some tuna in a bowl where he licked all the water/juice and didn't eat very much.

I'm still half sick worrying about what the vet will say tomorrow.  I'm just not ready yet.  I don't think he's ready yet.  But if there's any possibility that he's suffering then, as painful as it will be to me, I'll let him go.

My heart is breaking at the mere thought of it.

My stomach is cramping at the mere thought of it.

I think I'm just so stressed out over my own test results (waiting to see if I have Systematic Lupus) and my own health and my hectic work schedule and my sick baby and worrying about having to say goodbye that I'm just about to break.

I'll find out tomorrow about Noodle.
I'll find out Monday about my Lupus blood test.
I found out yesterday that my liver enzymes, while still elevated, are lower than they were.
I found out yesterday that I don't have Hepatitis B or C.  The doctor never really thought I did but with elevated liver function tests she just wanted to make sure.  Praise God.

So, that's where I'm at, right now, this very moment.

The only thing I've had to eat today has been a medium order of McDonald's fries, 3 or 4 sips from a strawberry milkshake, and 2-3 sips from a coke.  All bad things for me but the only things that I could get down.

Well, I'm going to go and spend some time with my Noodle.  I heart that little fuzzy baby boy who just turned 5 years old this month.

Please keep praying I have more time with him.  I'm not ready to let him go yet...