What you talkin' 'bout, Willis

Sunday, I decided, I was going to do a two week liquid diet. Part of this journey of mine to being thinner and healthier may involved weight loss surgery or lap banding (why do they call it Lap Band? It bands your stomach. Most of us who need it don't even really have a lap...) and if I have to take a surgical route, the two weeks prior to my surgery will require I follow a liquid diet. Reason says if I can't make it now, I won't make it then, which means I won't make it post surgery and I'll eat a small morsel of food and my lap will snap. :)

I was good all day on Monday. I had 16 ozs. of Carnation Instant Breakfast: No Sugar Added. I also had some low cal Gatorade. I did okay until about 3:00 and I realized that I was so hungry that, to quote a coworker of mine, "my stomach was eating my back bone."

We had Subway for dinner that night. I had a six inch turkey with double meat. I had lettuce and green pepper. I also had provolone cheese and bacon. I had two Snicker doodle cookies. I then send Jeff out for a small, snack size bag of cheese popcorn and Snowballs. Which were green. Happy St. Patty's Day, ya'll!

So, did I screw it up? Does a bear shit in the woods?

The rest of my week became so busy that I realized I was only eating at the very end of the day. Not healthy at all. Yesterday I didn't have a sip of anything or a bite of anything until 6pm.

I got my shower before dinner last night and I thought, huh, I haven't eaten today so why don't I just weigh myself and see how much weight I've gained since I have been dodging the gym like an 18 year old man during the Vietnam War draft.

Since Jan 1, 2010, I've lost a grand total of 15 pounds. What? What?

I had only lost 10 when I petered out of going to the gym. Where did those other 5 come from? Damn.

I'm not complaining. OH NO. I'm just beating myself up over the fact that I lost 5 pounds in the month of February and 1/2 of January when I did absolutely nothing to help myself. Had I kept up my workouts, had I made better choices in my diet, where in the world could I have been today???

I'm not going to allow myself to become a party to the self-destruction anymore.

So I didn't go to the gym. So my diet sucked. I still lost 5 more pounds. That means I have to say this to myself:

"Allison, get off your fat ass, go to the gym at *gulp* 5am with your husband, get the shit out of your diet, and you'll be amazed what you can do."

The only thing I don't like about that statement is the 5am wake up call. My husband barely sleeps as it is. He enjoys getting up early I think. I swore off 5am alarms after I left my last job (one of the biggest reasons I left my last job.) So, I might not make 5am, but I'll figure something out.

I'm the only thing standing in my own damn way. So, I'll close by having a little conversation with myself using some MC Lyte lyrics (get it...Lyte... ahhh hahahaha!)

Dear Allison,

You can’t get the best of me
Cause of my destiny
Not to be less than me
But to be more
So don’t question me
I came and I conquered
I soared to new heights and still I explore
In my fight to survive
Lights still too bright
Keep my eyes on new sights I continue to play
So when you try hurtin’ me, even desertin’ me
Know that I’m designed to overcome adversity
Just wanna bring out the worst in me? It won’t happen
Cause I take responsibility for my actions
My tenacity well it has to be everlastin’
Cause even when it comes to backstabbin’
I’m laughin’

Sincerely,

Your fat ass, fool!

Word!