Today = 2 Day

Today was the second day of 2010 and the second day I worked my booty off at the gym. Then I preceded to ruin all of my efforts at the gym by making totally STUPID decisions at the movies and dinner. BUT, and it's a huge but, after I finished a dinner that really wasn't all that good anyways, I looked at my husband and I couldn't believe the words pouring forth from my own mouth: "I can't believe I worked out so hard today and I threw it all away on movie popcorn, nachos, Twizzlers, and this garbage." Oops. Did I really eat all of that? It's just proof that you can take the girl out of the game but you cannot take the game out of the girl, I guess.

Now, had I not typed all of that out, you would never have known. But this blook is all about keeping myself honest and my efforts transparent and if I'm going to stay true to its design and myself, then I need to air my gaffes. All of them. As a matter of fact, right now I'm drinking a Pepsi. Shame on me. But I needed something to take the taste of dinner out of my mouth and since I'm not a big fan of shit sandwiches, I decided on drinking a Pepsi.

But let's quit focusing on what I did or didn't eat and let's focus on what I AM proud of today. I worked out for one hour and twenty minutes today. I wanted to quit. Especially when the hip pain began (almost instantly to be honest). But I dug deep and I made myself keep moving. If I couldn't move my legs due to my hip then I kept my arms moving. After awhile, after closing my eyes, picturing the fruits of my labor (a slimmer body, a healthier body, and a beautiful baby) I began to chug right along. And then I didn't stop.

My fellow gym-goers probably thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. My arse was in the NuStep recumbent machine with either both my legs and arms moving, or just my arms, or just my legs depending on how I was feeling, for twenty-two solid minutes and most of it with my eyes closed. As I lip-synced the words to my favorite jams, I pictured myself being thinner, healthier, and having a child placed in my arms for me and my husband to love until the day we die. It was all the motivation I needed to keep trucking.

I know that it won't always be this easy and the workouts will get harder, but I'm going to keep trucking. I won't always be Little Mrs. Sunshine either, but I'm going to keep trucking. I want my life back. I want my energy back. I want to live to see 40. And I want to be a mother.

And, because there is power in words, I will be. I will be all of those things in due time. But first, I must quit making bad choices in the food department. Working out is difficult, and to someone with severe Fibromyalgia and carrying two hundred extra pounds it can be painful and there is no reason to ruin it by making a silly, ignorant, and bad food choices.

Tomorrow is a new day. A day where I WILL make wiser food decisions AND I will work out to the best of my ability. This, I promise to myself.